marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
