Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
