I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
