I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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