I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
