I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
