I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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