I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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