I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
