I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
