Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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