New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize