the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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