I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
