I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
