If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
