I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize