Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
