He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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