I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
