Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
