i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
40s are totally the cure
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
