dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
