Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
