if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
