Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
