dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
