so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
