Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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