need another drink. this is the easiest way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
