i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
