You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
