Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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