I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
