You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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