Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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