haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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