You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
