You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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