He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
