I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
