I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
