Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
