I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
