There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
