Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sext me about skeletons
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
