Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
