You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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