I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
