Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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