My room smells like vodka and shame
I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
