Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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