Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just pee around me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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