bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
