If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
