My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
