I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He did a backflip because drugs
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
