32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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