i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
