Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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