we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Damn victory sex feels great
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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