I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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