I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
