Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
