He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
