dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
