Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
