Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We were destined to go to rehab together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
