for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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