I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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