I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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