What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
