i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
