I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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