Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
