i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
