I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
