it wasn't lemon gatorade
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
