Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
