my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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