dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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