Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
