wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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