The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love having hate sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
