Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
