I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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