My sheets look like a crime scene.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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