Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
