I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
