Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
