i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
