Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
