I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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