U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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