I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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