I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And the cops told us we were all naked.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
