Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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