the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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