i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
