i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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