I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This house was built for laser tag.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
