So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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