god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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