omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
