I'm going to jail i love you
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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