True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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